Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Holy Crap! The World is Ending! by Anna-Marie Abell





Holy Crap! The World is Ending!
How a Trip to the Bookstore Led to
Sex with an Alien and the Destruction of Earth
The Anunnaki Chronicles
Book One
Anna-Marie Abell

Genre: Humorous Paranormal Romance

Publisher: Alien Abduction Press

Date of Publication: September 21, 2017

ISBN: 978-1-947119-01-7
ASIN: B071Z7YTW7

Number of pages: 349
Word Count: Just under 114,000

Tagline: End times are here! Now you can eat whatever you want and not care if you gain weight.

Book Description:

The president has announced that Earth is going to collide with a rogue moon, and in the process, our entire planet is going to be smashed to bits. As one would expect, upon hearing this news, humans went ballistic. It was as if every sports team in the world lost their championship game at the same time. No car was left unrolled—but oddly enough, Taco Bell remained open and made unfathomable profits in the last days. Apparently, Doritos Locos® Tacos were a popular last meal.

Autumn (who for the purpose of this retelling asked to be portrayed as drool-inducing hot with kick-ass ninja skills) has just been handed the task of saving all of humanity. With the help of her unbelievably sexy alien boyfriend and her kleptomaniac friend with fire-retardant hair, Autumn takes a spaceship and races to save her fellow humans by using the Ark of the Covenant. Along the way, she discovers how sheltered people are from the truth of extraterrestrials and their power to either protect us or destroy us.

Stupid government.

Grab a bottle of wine, a shipload of snacks, and prepare to take a ride on this humorous chick lit romantic sci-fi paranormal adventure. If you’re into Ancient Aliens, conspiracy theories, UFOs, crave a little sexy time in your reading, are curious if we were genetically engineered (like the Sumerian cuneiform texts claim), and are dying to find out the meaning of life, then this book is for you.


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What Reviewers Have to Say

"An unexpected story that promises to be one of the most creative fictional discoveries of the year...a fun approach to the entire save-the-Earth-from-alien-invasion scenario which successfully turns traditional approaches upside down."- D. Donovan, Senior Reviewer, Midwest Book Review

"A rollicking seat of your pants fun ride through the universe!"- Joan Silvestro, Booktrader of Hamilton

"An awesome read! Warm, witty--and thought provoking--a beach read that stays with you throughout the year!"- Aionios Books

"This book starts with a lot of humour, but quickly gets a very rich storyline with great characters and seriously... this ending? If you like to be blown away, you should read this!" - Esther, BiteIntoBooks

"Anna-Marie Abell has succeeded in weaving her years of study into in the ancient Sumerian culture and their gods with common conspiracy theories, pop culture and random human quirkiness into an out of this world end times romp that will have you laughing out loud at the most inappropriate times and possibly even shedding a tear or two before it's all said and done." - Jennifer, JennlyReads


Excerpt 2

He tenderly swept my hair behind my ear and whispered, “I want you so bad right now.”
“Do you now?”
I bent to kiss him. The instant we connected, electricity sizzled through our bodies. Groaning, he hastily swapped our positions, so he was on top of me, and pressed one leg between my thighs. One of his hands cupped my breast as he kissed my neck; the other hand teased the skin just underneath my shirt.
“Boy, you don’t waste any time, do you?” I breathed.
His sexy half-smile lit up his face and he pressed his knee a little higher. The tingles of an orgasm arose between my legs. No way am I going to last more than a minute at this rate. Desperately needing things to progress more quickly, I clawed at my clothes, trying to remove them.
Brushing his lips against my ear, Rigel rumbled, “So impatient.” His hot breath against my skin brought on the inevitable vibrations.
“Just a bit,” I panted.
With a throaty chuckle, he trailed his tongue along my cheek until he reached my mouth. He lingered there, brushing his bottom lip against mine. One brush… then another.
“What are you waiting for?” I protested.
“Just slowing things down for you.”
“Well, stop it.” I meant that to be playful, but my need practically had me snarling at him. He was driving me insane.
With another chuckle, he bit my bottom lip, sucking it into his mouth. The building pressure in my core made me moan.
He grinned at me. “If that set you off, you’d better get prepared for what I’m going to do next.”
My heart pounded. Oh, god. “You aren’t playing fair.”
Placing his arms on either side of me, he brought his knee up, parting my legs until his thigh pressed firmly against me.
I moaned again.
“Who said this was going to be fair?” he said.
He rocked his leg once. Another moan.
“Oh, so we’re playing dirty?” Feeling gutsy from the lust, I used my fingernails to stoke the growing bulge in his pants. I felt it twitch. I can’t believe I just did that!
He let out a long breath and dove in for a kiss. Our lips parted, and he thoroughly claimed my mouth. Any shyness I had melted away once his skilled tongue explored mine. I gave back with the same intensity, my arms wrapping around his neck, fingers lacing in his hair. He tasted like wine and honey. Our breathing became heavy, moving in and out in sync.
The next thing I knew, my shirt was off and flung on top of the lampshade. He carried me to his bed and set me on the down comforter. The duvet was cool against my feverish skin. Towering above me, Rigel stripped off his shirt, revealing his broad chest. His muscles were taut, his skin smooth, abs rippling down to show a faint trail of golden hair leading into his jeans.
“See something you like?” he said.
Blushing, I returned my greedy gaze to his face. Too much eye candy for a mere mortal to handle. His hair was messy, partially falling into his face and artistically shaping his features. That damn hair is such a turn-on.
I couldn’t wait. I was as crazed as an impulse shopper on Black Friday, and Rigel was my ten-dollar toaster oven. Pulling myself to my knees using his jean loops for support, I gave his chest soft kisses. He still smelled of lavender, but now it was mixed with a sweeter smell I couldn’t identify. It made me want to lick him all over. Clutching the loops tighter, I began to explore.
As I moved lower and lower with each kiss, his form danced and shone along the edges. I had to rest my forehead against his abs and catch my breath. If I wasn’t careful, I might pass out. When I went to unbutton his jeans, this untamed lust that possessed me had my muscles contracting in anticipation, and I lost all ability to use my hands. I couldn’t get the blasted button open.
“Dammit!”
With a playful growl, Rigel thrust me back on the bed and finished undressing me… slowly. Way too slowly. I didn’t know if it was because I was all revved up and ready to go, or if he did it on purpose to drive me nuts, but either way it whipped me into a frenzy. He slid one bra strap down, then the other. Reaching behind me, he stroked my spine, and I arched my back to let him undo the fastener. As he flung the bra across the room, his eyes blazed with anticipation of the feast he was about to devour.
I was so distracted by his firm pectoral muscles that it didn’t even register with me that I was completely naked—until I saw he was twirling my panties around on his pinky finger, one corner of his mouth quirked in a smile.
“How did you do that?”
With a smirk he answered, “One of my gifts.”
The bastard knew I was about to burst with anticipation, so he taunted me further by slowly undressing himself. First he undid the button on his jeans, then his fingers moved to open the zipper. Inch by inch he unzipped it.
“You are pure evil,” I breathed.
He pulled back one side, then the other. No underwear. I gasped. The jeans slid to the ground.
Oh… my… god. He was getting a five-star rating on Yelp first thing in the morning.
Unable to take my eyes from it, I said, “That can’t be street legal.”

“No, but it makes for a hell of a ride.”

About the Author:

Anna-Marie Abell grew up in a trailer park. Well, several actually. Her trailer was on wheels so she got to experience the Pacific Northwest’s vast array of mobile home parks as her parents moved her from one to the other. Somewhere along the way, she got totally into UFOs. Probably because she was hoping extraterrestrials would come and abduct her. But they never did. Luckily for her she was smart, because her only hope of escaping trailer life was college and a full scholarship. Moving to sunny California on her almost full ride to Chapman University, she was well on her way to her new life. Two bachelor degrees later (Film and Television Production and Media Performance), and several honors and awards for her accomplishments, she managed to start working in an almost completely unrelated industry from her majors: infomercials.

It was in college that she got bit by the “ancient alien” bug after listening to Zecharia Sitchin on Coast to Coast AM. In her pursuit to uncover the truth, she has spent the last twenty years researching the ancient Sumerian culture—in particular their “gods” called the Anunnaki—and their connection to the creation of the human race. What she found changed her life, her beliefs, and her understanding of the universe and everything beyond. Her humorous science fiction trilogy, The Anunnaki Chronicles, is a culmination of all her research, her borderline obsession for all things paranormal, and approximately 2,300 bottles of wine.








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