Monday, August 31, 2015

On The Rox: Summertime Sadness

"I got that summertime, summertime sadness 

S-s-summertime, summertime sadness 

Got that summertime, summertime sadness 

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh"

This time of year is always so bittersweet.

I am a fall child all the way. 

I love autumn, bonfires, sweater weather, the colors, the smell of leaves, pumpkins, HALLOWEEN...and my birthday. I'm a September baby right on the cusp. Born at the end of summer beginning of Fall.

It puts me on the line of endings and new beginnings.

I think that contributes to my overall feeling that there is something so sad and forlorn about the end of summer. 

I think the end of summer represents the passing of time for me more than the dawn of a New Year. One because it always meant the start of a new school year, either for or my kids, and with my birthday in September it always means I am one year older.

But most of all I think it is because it is always a time of reflection for me. 

My grandmother's birthday is today. If she were still alive she'd be 100 years old, but sadly she passed in 1997. Not a day goes by when I don't think of her. She passed away September 2, 1997. Another reason this time of year leaves an ache inside me.

I remember summers as a child spending them playing cards on the front porch with my grandma, watching her plant flowers and water them, watching tv together while my mother was at work, making her go to the basement with me whenever there was a tornado warning. I spent a lot of time with my grandma. And now I live in her house, still surrounded by many of her things. I miss her everyday.

There are many other sweet and bittersweet memories.

I will forever hold onto the memories of long languid summers that seemed to last forever as a child...and go by so fast now that I'm an adult. 

I see my kids enjoying summer and dreading the start of a new school year. I watch them grow up too fast and it hurts. It hurts to see them no longer be my babies. One child is in his mid-twenties. My middle child starts her junior year of high school and my youngest is starting fourth grade. 

No more babies here. No more toddlers. Big kids that are growing too fast. Makes me sad. But at the same time I am proud of how far they've come and how well they are doing, what great kids they are.

It still doesn't stop that bittersweet ache in the middle of my chest.

Lana Del Ray's Summertime Sadness embodies that ache. This song  makes me feel it and while the lyrics may not match my feelings, the entire tone of the song rips me wide open, leaving me raw with that end of summer sadness.

Does the end of summer make you sad?