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Wednesday, September 07, 2016

Fish Wielder by J.R.R.R (Jim) Hardison

Fish Wielder
J.R.R.R (Jim) Hardison

YA Epic Fantasy
Fish Wielder Series (Book 1)
Publisher: Fiery Seas Publishing, LLC
August 23, 2016 

Book Description:

Fish Wielder is kind of like Lord of the Rings, set in Narnia, if it was written by the guys who made Monty Python and the Holy Grail while they were listening to the music of They Might Be Giants. 

In ancient times, the Dark Lord Mauron cooked the most powerful magic chocolate dessert ever made, the Pudding of Power.

One thousand and two years later, the evil leader of the Bad Religion, the Heartless One, is trying to recover the lost pudding in order to enslave the peoples of Grome. Only the depressed barbarian warrior Thoral Might Fist and his best friend, Brad the talking Koi fish, have a chance to save the world of Grome from destruction, but that's going to take a ridiculous amount of magic and mayhem.

Thus begins the epically silly epic fantasy of epic proportions, Fish Wielder—book one of the Fish Wielder Trilogy.

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Advanced Praise:

“This is one wild romp! I'm not sure I've seen such preposterously determined critic-baiting parody since Xanth or Asprin's Myth-Begotten series. I recommend it to anyone.” ―Piers Anthony, New York Times Bestselling Author 

"Fast, fun, fantastic! Fish Wielder is hilarious and unpredictable, like a drunk bear playing whack-a-mole." ―Logan J. Hunder, author of Witches Be Crazy

"A great time. Fast and funny, it races along in a self-aware tone that should appeal to anyone who loves fantasy but has ever found themselves thinking, huh, that was a little melodramatic." ―Clay Johnson, author of OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD (Ravenswood Publishing, 2016)

Excerpt 2 (400 words)
Thoral shook himself, sat up straight and howled mournfully at the moon. Several people walking nearby jumped at the unexpected sound and shot him angry looks, but he ignored them.
            “Why do you do that?” Brad asked, exasperated. “You know it’s annoying.”
“I howl in sadness because this moon is almost always…” The warrior trailed off,
screwing up his face with mental effort. “What is that word used to indicate when the moon is
more than half full so that it appears convex at both edges?”
“Humpbacked?” Brad offered.
“No. The astronomical term.”
“Gibbous?” the fish supplied.
Thoral gave a terse nod then urged Warlordhorse to a gallop while the koi rolled his eyes
at the barbarian’s drama. Thoral ignored him, his flowing, tawny locks streaming heroically
behind him as he clattered along the cobbled street and out of the southeast gate of Reefma, the
city known to the elves as the Black Gem because the elves always had to have their own names
for everything.
“I shall head for the Godforsaken Swamp,” Thoral intoned. “There a man can find
adventure, treasure, and beasts to fight. Perhaps enough battle to drown one’s sorrows or end
them entirely.”
“The Godforsaken Swamp!” Brad complained from Thoral’s belt pouch. It was tricked
out for him to sit in, as he had a tendency to slip off the saddle when he tried to ride the more
conventional way.
Thoral narrowed his violet eyes at the koi. “I was talking to myself, Brad.”
“Fine, whatever,” the fish shrugged. “Hey, what do you make of those guys who were
trying to kill us? Did any of them look familiar to you? Did you owe them money, or did you
insult them before I got to the inn or something?”
“I wish they had not been so inept,” Thoral grumbled.
When the fish realized there was no further comment coming, he shook his head.
Frowning, he ducked back into the pouch and tried to get comfortable. If Thoral wasn’t going to
worry about it, he wasn’t either. He sighed, resigned to his fate. There was an ancient koi
genealogy scroll he was eager to peruse over the many boring miles between their current
position and the swamp, but he knew from experience that he’d get motion sick if he read it

while they cantered. Instead, he adjusted his position and tried to settle in for a nap.

About the Author:

Fish Wielder is J.R.R.R. (Jim) Hardison's first novel novel (He wrote a graphic novel, The Helm, for Dark Horse Comics). Jim has worked as a writer, screen writer, animator and film director. He started his professional career by producing a low-budget direct-to-video feature film, The Creature From Lake Michigan. Making a bad movie can be a crash course in the essential elements of good character and story, and The Creature From Lake Michigan was a tremendously bad movie. Shifting his focus entirely to animation, Jim joined Will Vinton Studios where he directed animated commercials for M&M’s and on the stop-motion TV series Gary and Mike. While working at Vinton, he also co-wrote the television special Popeye's Voyage: The Quest for Pappy with actor Paul Reiser.

Jim has appeared on NBC's The Apprentice as an expert advisor on brand characters, developed characters and wrote the pilot episode for the PBS children's television series SeeMore's Playhouse and authored the previously mentioned graphic novel, The Helm, named one of 2010's top ten Great Graphic Novels for Teens by YALSA, a branch of the American Library Association. These days, Jim is the creative director and co-owner of Character LLC, a company that does story-analysis for brands and entertainment properties. He lives in Portland, Oregon with his lovely wife, two amazing kids, one smart dog and one stupid dog.

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